Needless to say, right now, things have been tough. I know, I know... it's just over two weeks before my wedding and I should be filled with joy, love and desire. Those things are definitely present in my life, but they are not what is most present for me now. Let's be honest... two weeks before the wedding and I'm stressed, upset and quite frankly, pissed off! And these feelings have nothing to do with the wedding.
Everything is just occurring as incredibly over whelming. I'm hoping it's just PMS, but I think it's more who I am and how I relate to things. I place a lot of pressure on myself to succeed... everywhere! I think many people who set high goals and strive to achieve the impossible can relate.
Yesterday I was tip toeing along my breaking point, flirting with it really, but was able to compose myself and relax. This wouldn't have happened without the amazing support of a dear friend helping me out. (Thank you Tracy)
Today, however, it happened. I broke. The tears just came! And it wasn't because of the wedding deadlines, the massive pile of work on my desk or even that my lifts completely sucked during training. (Got a nice new bruise as a reward for that one). It was because of the overwhelming sense of a loss of community.
Great things happen because of people coming together and supporting each other. Communities cause greatness. And today I was confronted with loosing mine. And I broke. I keeled over in the ladies bathroom at the gym and the tears started flowing.
The great thing about it was, was that it happened because another friend gave me the courage that it was ok. It's ok not to be super woman! It's ok to show that you are suffering and that it's hard!!! Showing tears and asking for help doesn't make you weak, it actually makes you stronger. (Thank you Sherry)
Then from that breaking point, two other amazing friends came out of the woodwork and built me back up. I cannot tell you the positive impact these four woman have had on me in the past 48 hours. If it were not for a community stepping up and not letting me fall, I would probably be at the bottom of a pint of coconut milk cookie dough ice cream. (Kelly and CeCe, you guys are amazing!)
I'm still processing how exactly to move forward from here. So much of my structure for my physical goals revolved around this community and the inspiration it brought me. But one thing I am clear about, is it can't stop what has been created. I am already seeing other communities that were there, right in front of me, that I was blind to.
I have a choice... I can let the pain stop me, wallow in my sorrows and return to old habits... or I can acknowledge the incredibly large suck factor and keep going. Hey, *$#%$# happens!
We all have our breaking points. Let them come. When they come, let it all out. It's what you do after that point that separates the good ones from the great ones.
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